On Turning 30

*Update: Doctors appointment went SO well yesterday. My cervix is now longer again than it was a month ago. I will go back in 2 weeks to make sure there is no change but he is very hopeful that all will be good now. Talk about the best birthday gift ever!*

A few years ago, I dreaded the day that I'd leave my "20's" and be in my "30's". It just seemed like a big age! At 16 I though it meant "old". I was happy with where life was at that moment but growing up is scary sometimes and so is getting older!

I can't say the last year of my 20's has been the greatest ever. I got pregnant in November 2016 (month after my birthday) and proceeded to be SO sick after that. With the added sickness came a few hospitals visits and then finally the loss of our little girl in March. The remainder of my last year of 20's, I tread through the emotions of grief and then fear as I learnt I was pregnant again. The sickness began again with my next pregnancy. The last few months of my "20's" has seen a lot of precautionary hospital visits and then just 1 week before turning 30, a day surgery to hopefully keep baby cooking for as long as possible. The last week before turning 30 dealing with a lot of shame and guilt given the fact that my body feels broken to what it is suppose to do as a woman. Too much time to think and not being able to be as active with Sam which breaks my heart. 

But today as I turn 30, I want to think back on some of the fonder moments of the year! The good in my life and the friends and the family that I am so blessed to have surrounding me. 

This year brought trips, maple syrup making, a new greenhouse, our business celebrating 40 years, a new vehicle, new bundles of joy for friends, supper dates with Ryan and friends, movies, lots of food in my belly, a roof over my head,  A+ government covered medical care, a little girl in heaven watching over me and a boy who lights up my everyday. I truly am blessed! 

So, lately when people ask or tease about me turning 30, I truly don't care. Actually, my birthday is pretty far from my mind this year (Except for cake. I can't wait for a big slice of chocolate cake and some other birthday treats!).  If anything, I am more hopeful that turning 30 will be a welcomed change! A fresh start, hopefully a year of happy memories. If not, I guess with "age" I am beginning to learn that even through the hurt and the pain, seeing the good around me. To know that things could be worse, the pain will get better with time and taking the time to count my blessings. Here's to a new decade of learning, growing, loving, celebrating, reflecting and living!  

Here is to 30! 

xo