The Scariest Day Of My Life

 

Some of you who are my regular readers know that for the most part, I try to post every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It’s a routine that I have come to enjoy. Last Friday I didn’t post however. The truth is I couldn’t post. I didn’t know what else to write about because I  think I was still in a state of shock and disbelief as to what had happened the  Wednesday before. I wanted to get what happen down in writing at some point but I wasn’t able to muster up the words that soon.

I’m ready now.

Sometimes I laugh at my husband who is this tall and strong man. The big guy has some serious fears. Heights, brides, Montreal traffic, snakes…the list can go on. I laugh because compared to him, I am pretty fearless. Sure there are things that freak me out  but I have a way of pushing through the fear.

It all started on the Monday. Sam and I were going about our usual day. He was playing on his floor mat when I noticed he was starting to get sleepy. He was only 15 minutes away from his next feeding so I scooped him up and placed him on my lap for some one-on-one play time. We were singing when all the sudden Sam looked at me with huge eyes. His arms shot straight out to his side and he continued to not move. Huge eyes, stiff body and a look of not really being there. Within about 15-20 seconds he seemed to relax but  was crying. Being that I was a little frightened about what had just happened, I brought him in close to me for a snuggle. Instantly, he fell fast asleep. Odd.

Last Wednesday was an exciting day! Sam was going to the local clinic to get measured and get his 3 month shots! I was so looking forward to the appointment because he hadn’t been weighed in so long and I was very curious as to how big he had gotten.

We arrived on time and checked in. Sam was starting to doze off a little in his car seat but with all the movement kept on getting woken up. We settled into the nurses office and I placed him on my lap facing the nurse as she starting asking me the normal questions.

I couldn’t see his face but I felt his body go completely stiff again. The difference this time is that all the sudden he started shaking uncontrollably. As the nurse turned around to ask me another question she saw me staring at Sam in shock and she watched him for a few seconds before grabbing him. I wish that I could say it was all over in a blink but it was the longest 40 seconds of my life. While I know the nurse is trained to be calm in those situations I could feel the tension in the room. She asked me if that had ever happened before and I explained the episode from Monday. I am sure she could see the tears welling up in my eyes and she calmly told me that they couldn’t give Sam his shots today and it would be wise to call my doctor as soon as I got home. If I couldn’t get Sam in to see him in the next two days, take him to the Emergency.

I tried to gather myself so that I could buckle him back up and take my son home. I avoided every eye in the waiting room on the way out. I had the mail key from our office because I offered to pick it up while I was out in town. I quickly entered our company office to drop off the key and talk as little as I could. When I got home I immediately called the doctors office and they could see him tomorrow. I called Ryan and tried to stay as calm as possible. I knew he was driving a big tractor trailer and the last thing I wanted was for something to happen to him too. I told him that everything was alright and we will go to the doctors tomorrow.

My heart was hurting and I felt like my head was ready to explode from trying to keep the panic inside. I needed my Mom. I called her and she started talking about her day but knew because I was responding that something was wrong. That’s when I broke down. My dad was listening on the other phone and told me to hang up and go straight to the Children’s Hospital. Something inside me told me that he was right, that is what I really wanted to do but I was trying to keep calm and listen to the nurses instructions.

I called Ryan back and told him I was taking Sam to the Children’s Hospital. He was already on his way home. After we had disconnected the first time, he already started making plans to get home.

Thankfully we had an uneventful trip to the hospital! I had never been there before and I was so impressed by how quickly we were seen and looked after. Sam checked out fine but we had to go back the next day to see a neurologist and get an EEG done. We were given lessons on what to do if he got another “episode” and were on our way.

I don’t think either of us slept that night. My mind was racing and I was always watching Sam in fear that he would start shaking again.

Again, we were looked after so well at the Children’s hospital! The EEG tech was wonderful and Sam was a rockstar as she set up his fancy new head gear. I had to nurse him to sleep, which was very easy, my boy loves to sleep! As I was holding my sleeping baby with all these wires attached to his head, a wave of emotion hit me.

When you are pregnant you are so excited for life ahead with your child. You imagine what they will look like, who they will grow to be and the fun that is to come. You never think about all the other things that come with having a baby. Particularly, the worry that you have for this little human. Sitting there in that dark lab room, I never could have imagine this is what I would be doing with my 3 month old baby.

We anxiously waited to meet with the Neurologist that afternoon. After a few more questions and minor tests, we were in the clear! There was nothing serious that had shown up on the EEG. To say that we breathed a sigh of relief would be an understatement.

For now, we are watching our little man and have only seen minor “episodes” since. We go back for an ultrasound of his brain in August and another consultation in the fall.

We are so thankful that our little guy is o.k. July 16 will be a day that I never forget. I am sure we will look back on that scary day for a while and think about the sheer terror that was felt when we thought something was wrong with Sam. We held our baby a little closer and give him a few extra kisses that night. It was also a good lesson in parenting with a new understanding for the saying;

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

Happy Friday!

xo