Happy Friday everyone! I hope that your week has FLOWN by! I have to say mine has. The days are filled with work! I even made a quick trip to and from Montreal on Wednesday. Getting back to the farm at 2:30 PM to continue on with work and then back to pick up Sam. It was a long day.
But the weekend is almost here and I am super excited! Saturday is JAM packed with stuff but Sunday we have no plans. And I'm glad. Sometimes a busy Saturday means I need a relaxing Sunday. I did really well in my meal prep for the week last Sunday and it has made this week SO much easier! I hope I can do something similar.
Ryan has a weekend full of stuff too as he will also be attending a Bachelor party this weekend. WHO PLANS A BACHELOR PARTY ON MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND? Thankfully, I'm being told he'll be back (and likely suffering) on Saturday.
As I was telling him that he BETTER be back at some point to help with Sam while I work at the farm, I noticed I started to sound a little like a nag. Which wouldn't be the first time. And then it got me thinking of all the ways I am not the wife that I thought I'd be when we first got married.
When we first got married I wanted to be the perfect wife. I wanted to be pretty enough, loving enough, organized enough, money savvy enough, submissive enough and happy enough for him. And in no way was this coming from Ryan but some silly pressure I was putting on myself.
I'd be killing myself to do and be all. I'd be doing all the laundry, all the house hold chores, all the money management, all the cooking, still keep a smile on my face and yet also work a full time job. When Ryan did something that I didn't agree with, I'd bite my tongue and let it pass.
I actually remember my breaking point. I was exhausted from late work nights and everything else piling up. I had slept passed my alarm. I was in a rush getting ready for work and Ryan who woke up later then me, came downstairs to get ready for work about 30 minutes after I did. I was still scrambling around trying to get food prepared and he was ready to walk out the door when he stopped and said, "You didn't make my lunch?"
His disbelief in why his lunch wasn't prepared had been what made me the most mad. I was trying SO hard to be a good wife and "take care" of my man, that I had gotten to the point where I felt used and unappreciated. It was that moment that an overwhelmed Lindsay threw her hands up in the air and quit.
While I wasn't quitting on my marriage, I was quitting on trying to live up to these unrealistic expectations that woman get. From then on when Ryan made me mad, I told him. When his laundry had to be done, I showed him where the washing machine was. I would no longer make him his lunch (minus special occasion) and I started doing more for myself.
I had to get over the feeling of guilt I felt when I would do something for ME. When I stopped doing everything for Ryan you know what I noticed? We began doing these things for each other occasionally and it was special. For example when he'd see I made his lunch, or he'd surprise me by folding my laundry. Suddenly we were doing more for each other and feeling appreciated for those special efforts for one another.
When I stopped trying so hard to be the "good wife", we became better partners to one another.