Wednesday, September 23, 2015

I'm Not Pregnant, Just Fat

I know you are all cringing right now after reading that title because we all know this is the lowest form of female torture: the false pregnancy identification. 

Here's the thing, while Saturday night at the wedding was a complete blast, there may have been one thing that I left out of my Monday weekend recap post.

Let me set the scene.

I was having an awesome time. I had a few drinks and had spent the majority of my time either visiting with friends or dancing. The midnight lunch was being served. Ryan and I got in line and grabbed our grub. Fries, onion rings and a hamburger with all the fixings! It all looked so yummy.

As I was walking back to a table with a plate of food, I was stopped by an acquaintance who is about my age. She proceeds to put her hand directly on my stomach and says, "Congratulations on your second pregnancy. You must be so excited!"


I quickly answer back, "I'm not pregnant, just fat...but thanks." and sat down with Ryan. I could tell she was a little shocked by my answer but I just walked away.

I tried my best to nibble at a couple fries but tears were welling up in my eyes and I didn't want to make any sort of scene. I quickly headed to the bathroom where I locked myself into a stall and as quietly as possible had a massive tearful breakdown and intense scrutiny of my insecurities.

That's the cruel thing about pregnancy. While I easily managed to go back to my pre-pregnancy weight, like most women my body was very altered. I mean look at how big my belly was! It housed a beautiful 8.8 pound baby. There is a chance that it will never be perfectly flat or firm again. 

I calmed myself down and tried my best to put on a happy face for the rest of the evening. When in reality I was feeling very sad and embarrassed. A friend saw my dampened mood and I quickly told her what happened (Sara). Immediately, she had a look of recognition and disappointment on her face being that I know she has had a similar situation happen before. 

I believe it was during "Summer Nights" that she said to me "It doesn't even matter though! You wouldn't trade it for anything. When you are holding that baby and he smiles at you, it is all that is important". 

I kept repeating that sentence to myself over and over for the rest of the weekend. There were many instances that I was tearful and feeling very down on myself. Many times I had to keep telling myself to "snap out of it" and "get over it". But I had a hard time shaking it. I think the worst part of it was that this woman proceeded to be at the reception for the rest of the night and never once attempted to apologize. 

Like most phases of grief, the sadness has surpassed and now comes the anger which is the whole point of this rant. 

Consider this a public service announcement: Do not consider anyone is pregnant unless they are obviously pregnant and wearing a "FETUS IN PROGRESS" t-shirt. Otherwise, let your curiosity go. Whether I was pregnant or not was not going to effect this woman's night but her need to assume certainly effected mine. Anyone who you really need to know the status of her uterus will actually invite you into that knowledge of her life without you having to question. 

Basically, when is it OK to ask a women if she is pregnant? 

Unless you are sure, do us all a favor- DON'T! 



  1. I wanted to cry for you when you told me this when we were dancing. I agree - unless you KNOW for a fact that someone is expecting, don't just assume and take it upon yourself to mention it. Especially if it's only an aquaintance! Sara is right! And you know you wouldn't trade it for anything! Chin up, babe! Don't let people get you down xox

  2. Oh goodness, I'm sorry this happened to you! I'm guessing she was so embarrassed and didn't want to make it worse by coming up to you and apologizing. It would have been nice if she did though!

  3. Ugh, I'm sorry this happened to you. This happened to me once (and I've never been pregnant before) when I was about to get a manicure/pedicure. The owner of the salon asked me when I was expecting as we were checking in. I had to sit there on the verge of tears for the 1.5 hours through the appointments. The friend I was with didn't hear her ask me, but on the way out I told her and she was shocked. I never went back, and I just still can't believe she asked me. I'm not super skinny, but I definitely don't think I looked pregnant!