November 30 2016
It's been a long and somewhat discouraging 13 months. And I had finally lost hope that we were going to make our family bigger naturally. After many doctor appointments and looking into things, there was a chance I was told, I may not be able to conceive a child naturally. My body had been messed up and so very confused. A period once every 3 months to 2 periods within 30 days. It's been rough. Pokes, ultrasounds, diet restrictions, peeing on tests, accupuncture....we were so discouraged.
We were happy with our choice to begin looking into adoption shortly after the new year started. I had done different research on the type of adoption available to Quebec residents and we were at peace with where god was steering our life.
Sam was sick a few days ago. I assumed I was coming down with what he had. I was so nauseous and feeling like the flu. So much so, that I thought I would go home yesterday afternoon for a rest.
I was 3 days away from what would be my first normal period after 28 days in 1 year. I was hopeful that maybe my body had finally been healed. I decided since I had a few internet cheap tests, I would take one after work.
I knew I was crazy when I thought I saw a line. But it was nagging me that there was something there.
This morning I woke up at 4 am and used a more reliable test. Within a minute this is what I see...
Am I pregnant?? Is this why I've felt like I have the flu?
I wouldn't help but start crying. All of those months of frustration, disappointment and anger subsided because our prayers had been answered!
Ryan had been gone all night working but I knew he'd be home soon! When he got home, it was time to go and wake Sam up and get him dressed. Lately Ryan has been dressing him and I hand him his clothes. He puts Sam's underwear, socks, and pants on. Then I hand him the shirt Sam will be wearing that day and it says "Big Bro". Sam grabs it and says "Ne pas that shirt!" ha ha!
Ryan notices the message on Sam's shirt right away and at first I think he looked at me like I was crazy for putting him in that shirt for the day. Then it clicked...he just keeps repeating "Seriously" over and over with a very red face. I couldn't answer him because I am on the verge of crying again. Suddenly, he loses it and starts crying and then the flood gates open for me. We just hugged, both of us tearing up and Sam pulling at us with wonder at what was going on. I was obviously aware of the toll of not being able to expand our family naturally had been taking on me, but I was unaware at how much it was effecting Ryan emotionally as well.
I am so thankful that god has given us this chance to expand our family. We have discussed adoption in the last few months and feel it's in our hearts to go that path one day in the future. But for now, I am so thankful that I get to feel being pregnant again and holding a new born. I had begun to mourn the thought of never getting that opportunity again. Never feeling a baby kick from the inside and the feeling of looking down at your baby and wondering if he/she has yours or your husbands nose.
And so begins a new journey as we jump into becoming a family of 4!